so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
