You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
