I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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