Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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