stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
