I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
