I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
