I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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