He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
