I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
