apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
