she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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