Define "chronic" masturbator.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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