That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
