Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's blow job season.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
