Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
