If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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