I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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