Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
