Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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