he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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