First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
