I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
