I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
