I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
