On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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