i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
