She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
