i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
they're like a gay fantastic four
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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