even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
