Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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