He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
