I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
