I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just gift wrapped bread.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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