i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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