if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
