I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
