i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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