just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
