We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
