After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
