I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have grass duct taped all over my body
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
