All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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