Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
