if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why didn't you poke me back
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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