my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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