and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
