yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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