Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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