yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
