i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
