I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
