i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
