Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
