I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
