It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
